deserving
by alattewouldbenice
Summary: Reid falls. JJ, Morgan, and Garcia help him back up (by helping him clean) A lil coda-ish to 8x13. emotionally hurt!reid, guilty!reid WARNINGS: mention of weight loss, depression


**Author's Note:**

This takes place as kind of a coda to 8x13. I wanted more of JJ, Garcia, and Morgan helping to piece Spencer back together as I'm sure they had to do more than put books on shelves and open curtains to tidy up. So here's a more realistic view of cleaning up two weeks of depression. Enjoy!

The four of them pulled up to Spencer's apartment, and Morgan turned off the engine. Spencer opened his mouth, to say again that they didn't have to do this and that he could do it himself, but JJ gave him a look that was both commanding and comforting. "We're not leaving until this is done," she said, drawing circles on Spencer's wrist.

"I just…" Spencer tried to find the right words. "It's not going to be pretty up there."

"We know," Morgan grunted as he opened the car door. "We're still helping."

Garcia opened the door for Spencer, and together they travelled through the front door and up to Spencer's floor. He fumbled with the keys, and shamefully unlocked the door, slowly letting it creak to reveal the mess within.

There were books everywhere, and the smell of coffee gone sour had settled on everything. The plant that Garcia had brought Reid earlier was left on a side table by the couch. It might've helped clear the air, but there was an odd staleness to the apartment and as JJ walked through the door she could detect fruit that was left out too long. Thank goodness Garcia had brought only one food basket of perishables.

Morgan rested his hand on his friend's shoulder, and did not fail to notice that it was bonier than usual. "Alright kid, we'll work from the top down. Do these books go in a specific order?"

Spencer shook his head. "I just put them back and remember where they are for next time."

Garcia pulled a hot pink feather duster from her bag of cleaning goodies. "Let's get started my genius."

All the books had found their home on the shelves that lined every vertical surface in Spencer's apartment. Morgan was going through the fridge, checking expiration dates and chucking what was no longer good. He too, was grateful that much of what his Baby Girl brought Spencer was something along the lines of nuts. "Serotonin," he'd heard her mutter one day at her computer, researching how to get Boy Wonder back on his feet.

JJ was helping Garcia wipe down the last of the tables they had emptied of books and obsolete case files. Garcia placed her plant as a centerpiece in the living room, where she assumed Spencer would be spending most of his time, surrounded by books and light from the windows. Speaking of the windows, JJ was stripping the curtains from the windows, intent on washing the dust and gunk from them. As she passed by the living room couch, she piled on Spencer's robe and blankets. She dumped these in the washing machine, and on further consideration, she stripped the cases of the couch pillows and retrieved the sheets from his bed. If Spencer was going to get back on his feet, he needed to sleep—and nice smelling sheets would definitely help. She measured the detergent, and added fabric softener for good measure. The machine told her that she'd need to switch the linens to the dryer in 56 minutes.

Spencer had wandered to the windows, amazed at the light coming through them. Garcia saw his lip briefly turn up as he cracked the window. He turned to her and Morgan. "Guess that'll help with the smell, huh?"

Morgan smiled appreciatively. "Dead-on, kiddo."

JJ came back into the main area with the two brooms that Spencer kept in the washroom, as well as a compact vacuum. "Spence, you wanna take walk while we get this done?"

He nodded, grabbed a sweater from a leather-bound chair, and left.

"JJ, what was that about?" Garcia looked concerned.

"He can't really handle loud and long noises like the vacuum. He can normally do this, but since we're going to vacuum every inch of this place, I gave him a heads up."

"Oh," Garcia thought a moment. "I'll keep that in mind."

Spencer let out a long sigh as he walked along the sidewalk. He truly, _truly_ did not deserve his friends. He thought about how he had ignored JJ and Garcia's nearly daily visits. Heck, Morgan had even left some chocolate for him. _Morgan had left him chocolate._

He had JJ, Garcia and Morgan cleaning out spoiled yogurt from his fridge. They were cleaning his sheets; they were even vacuuming.

 _He didn't deserve them._

They had brought him food, a plant, they'd even brought themselves to help him.

 _He didn't deserve them._

 _He didn't deserve any of this._

But then again, he didn't deserve to lose Maeve.

He concluded that the world didn't care if you deserved it or not. But sometimes, the scales ended up balanced anyway.

Morgan had just started to fill a mop bucket when he saw Spencer poke his head into the apartment.

"What can I do?" He asked. His voice was hoarse.

Morgan shook it off. "JJ just pulled the linens from the dryer, I think she'll need more hands than just Garcia."

Spencer went.

JJ was able to rehang the curtains by herself, so she sent Garcia and Reid to make up his bed. Garcia walked into Spencer's bedroom, turned on her heel, and locked him into a warm hug. He smiled.

"I've been wanting to do that for a while," she admitted. "I'm really glad you're out of pjs, let alone cleaning up. This good, this is big." She bubbled when she looked at him. Spencer didn't feel like he did anything worthy of praise.

 _He didn't deserve her._

"I can see what's happening behind your eyes and I command you to stop that train of thought right there." Garcia took his hand between both of hers. "You are making really quick, really big progress. I need to believe that."

Spencer nodded.

"Good," she grinned. "Now how about we make this bed?"

Spencer hadn't really processed that this meant life would get a little more normal. If making his bed was big, staying asleep in it would be even greater.

 _He would work for this._

He ran his hands over clean cotton as they pulled the sheets tight; felt the warmth still present in the fleecy blankets. He could hear Morgan running the mop up and down the wood floors; JJ pulling the curtains open and tying them back. And here was Garcia, fluffing his pillow.

 _He was sure he'd be okay._

The floors were dried and clean. Light flooded the place from the window. Dishes were no longer left in the sink to rot, and all the water glasses had been rinsed and dried. Spencer looked around at this fresh start, and whispered a tearful _thank you_

Morgan was there in a second, the black leather cool against Spencer's warm cheek.

"It's okay, kiddo. Let it out."

So he did.

He told them how sorry he was that he got into this state, that they had to help him, and he would have continued, but JJ hushed him.

"Spence, you are the closest thing any of us have for a brother. We will be here in a second if you ever need help or just need to talk. You deserve a break, okay?"

He nodded his agreement.

 _He deserved this._


End file.
